within the diverse landscape of gay male sexuality, a specific identity has emerged, resonating with men who find satisfaction in a wide array of intimate acts, with a notable exception: anal penetration.
these men identify as 'sides.' the term itself, a relatively recent coinage by sex therapist and author dr. joe kort, has only recently begun to gain traction and acknowledgment within broader gay communities.
dr. kort initiated the conversation by establishing a private facebook group, titled 'side guys,' approximately eighteen months prior to its wider recognition.
his intention was to cultivate a space for these men to find acceptance and, potentially, to foster a burgeoning movement around this specific sexual preference. initially, the group's growth was gradual, with members joining in small numbers. however, over the subsequent eight months, the membership experienced a significant surge, doubling to reach over 5,000 individuals.
posts from men of varying ages and backgrounds, hailing from across the globe, illustrate the widespread nature of this identity. dr. kort notes that a substantial portion of these men discovered the group through the informational tiktok videos he has produced to raise awareness.
the rise of the 'side' identity online
the discourse surrounding the 'side' identity has flourished online, particularly on platforms like tiktok.
beyond dr. kort's efforts, other men have taken to creating their own educational and relatable content. barrett pall, a prominent model with a substantial tiktok following, is one such example. concurrently, los angeles-based comedian michael henry has contributed to the conversation with a humorous yet empathetic mock-tutorial that has garnered significant attention.
the video has amassed over 100,000 youtube views in a short period, becoming one of his most popular clips, highlighting the public's engagement with the topic.
origins and early reception
michael henry attributes his inspiration for creating the 'side' tutorial to overhearing younger gay men using the term in social settings like bars over the past year.
for individuals like dr. kort, the concept resonated deeply and made intuitive sense.
he recalls instances of men questioning their own sexual experiences, asking themselves, "am i a virgin?" or "why am i ashamed of this?" to alleviate these feelings within himself and others, dr. kort began incorporating discussions about this identity into his retreats and presentations.
his efforts to destigmatize this aspect of sexuality extended to a written piece for the huffington post in 2017, which introduced the term to a wider audience and was subsequently adopted by urban dictionary.
challenging heteronormative sexual standards
some perspectives have emerged suggesting that the 'side' role might stem from internalized homophobia.
however, dr. kort presents a contrasting view. he posits that the notion of penetration being the sole arbiter of sexual activity is, in fact, a heteronormative construct - a societal standard imposed by heterosexual norms. gay individuals, he argues, possess a unique opportunity to challenge and redefine these established paradigms.
dr. kort also believes that this inclusive approach to sexuality can benefit heterosexual individuals as well. this includes women who experience pain during penetrative sex or who simply prefer alternative sexual techniques. he humorously shares his professional advice with straight men who may feel insecure about enjoying anal stimulation, emphasizing that, as a sex therapist, he can attest that the human anus is not inherently tied to any particular sexual orientation.
the capacity for anal pleasure, dr.
kort asserts, is universal, extending to both men and women, regardless of their sexual orientation - whether gay, bisexual, straight, or anywhere in between. a man's preference regarding anal sex, or lack thereof, does not inherently dictate his sexual orientation. similarly, for gay men, choosing not to engage in anal penetration does not diminish the validity of their sexual experiences.
this aligns with historical critiques of lesbian sexuality, where women were often told they weren't engaging in "real" sex without vaginal penetration, a judgment that unfortunately persists for some even today. these erroneous conclusions are rooted in a heterosexist and patriarchal definition of what constitutes acceptable or "correct" sexual enjoyment.
embracing diverse sexual expression
a significant challenge presented by rigid, penetration-centric sexual models, particularly as men age, is the potential decline in their ability to achieve and maintain erections on demand.
this can lead to a fear of never experiencing "sex" again. to navigate these changes, men must explore and embrace alternative methods of satisfying their partners. crucially, this requires first dismantling the pervasive misconception that penetrative sex is the only form of fulfilling sexual activity.
it is time for individuals identifying as 'sides' to embrace their sexuality with pride and confidence. not identifying as a 'top' or a 'bottom' does not equate to being less gay or less masculine. it certainly does not render anyone less of a sexual being. the internet has revealed the vast spectrum of sexual pleasures people seek and enjoy, underscoring that personal preferences are inherently valid and entirely right for the individual.
when individuals are granted the freedom to experiment and discover new techniques, the experience of being a 'side' can be just as thrilling and arousing as being a 'top,' a 'bottom,' or an enthusiast of any other sexual position or practice.
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a call for acceptance and self-definition
the emergence of the 'side' identity signifies a growing awareness and acceptance of the multifaceted nature of human sexuality.
it challenges traditional, often restrictive, definitions of what constitutes sexual activity and fulfillment. the internet has played a pivotal role in this evolving discourse, providing platforms for individuals to connect, share experiences, and find validation.
the growing online communities and the creation of content by both experts and peers highlight a collective desire for broader understanding and inclusivity.
the sentiment that "i think they deserve a name of their own" reflects a recognition of the need for specific terminology to describe distinct sexual experiences and identities.
the encouragement to "come out and be the side queen you were meant to be!" is a powerful affirmation of self-acceptance and empowerment within this emerging identity. this movement encourages individuals to embrace their authentic selves and to celebrate the diverse ways in which they experience pleasure and intimacy.
ultimately, the exploration and acceptance of the 'side' identity contribute to a more nuanced and comprehensive understanding of gay sexuality.
it moves beyond outdated and narrow definitions, embracing the richness and variety of human connection and pleasure. the ongoing conversation and the increasing visibility of this identity are crucial steps towards fostering a more inclusive and understanding society where all forms of consensual sexual expression are respected and celebrated.